Real Love is Self-Love – Relationships That Validate the Ego or the True and Authentic Self

Do we want relationships that empower us, or do we want relationships which continue to perpetuate the personas and false self-images we project to the rest of the world?  Are we developing friendships, mates, and life partners based on who we really are or are our relationships based on the false images of the ego?

For those of us who have chosen to co-create our reality and who are doing the work we need to do to promote our spiritual development, personal development, self-improvement, self-awareness, and higher consciousness on the path of enlightenment, these are complex but very valid questions we have to ask ourselves.  We have to think about what qualities we are attracting (the Law of Attraction at work) in our friendships, mates, and life partners.  These relationships either validate our true and authentic self or these relationships validate the illusions of the ego. 

It sounds a bit trite, but when developing relationships, we must know that self-love is real love.  In all relationships in our lives, we want people to love us and sometimes we have been willing to settle for the illusive egocentric infatuations. 

These detrimental and self-destructive relationships are based on the following illusions and fetters:

§           Fear of being alone

The fear of being alone is based on the belief that you have to stay in a self-destructive relationship because being alone is ten times worst than any pain you are experiencing in your relationships.  If you are in a romantic or sexual relationship based on the fear of being alone, check your friendships, your work-based relationships, and your family life, you will find the weeds of the fear of being alone in all of your relationships.  The fear of being alone does not validate who you really are.  It diminishes your power as a co-creator and overshadows your luminosity.  When you stay in relationships out of fear—specifically the fear of being alone—you find it difficult to be inspired or to inspire others.  Gifts and talents become less effect in inspiring others.  The vision for your life becomes hazy and confusing.  If one who has a fear of being alone practices self-love, he or she will find their lives filled with people who love them for who they really are.  You will never truly feel loved until you are loved for who you really are.

§           Fear of failure

The fear of failure can cause you to stay in a relationship because of the time, energy and money you have invested in the success of the relationship.  Again, if you remain in a sexual or romantic relationship because of the fear of failure, check all your other relationships because the weeds of the fear of failure are there also.  Those who stay in relationships out of a fear of failure tend to be overbearing and controlling in all other relationships.  Those who stay in relationships out of a fear of failure try to control all other relationships because they believe…If I can get the people in my life to act this way or that way, then my life would be perfect and I will be successful.  In other words, those who continue in relationships out of a fear of failure are out of control, out of spiritual and cosmic alignment, and want to succeed in their illusions instead of aligning with their true and authentic self.  If one who has a fear of failure would practice self-love, he or she will find themselves aligned spiritually and cosmically, there would be peace and order in his or her life and success would sprout out of this order and peace.

§           Patterns of Self sabotage

Patterns of self sabotage can cause you to stay in relationships because you are on a path of self-destruction.  Accordingly, one who exhibits such patterns in behaviors will attract to themselves relationships which “finish” the destruction.  People who are in love or sexual relationships characterized by self-sabotage will find that they are sabotaging all the empowering and good relationships in their lives.  Those who are on this path find themselves being disloyal to their loved ones, committing random and frequent acts of infidelity, and wanting those who show them real love to fix them somehow.  When those who show them real love can’t “fix” them, they become even more self-destructive and ultimately in some way hurt all the people in their lives.  If those who are on the path of self-sabotage would commit to self love, they would recognize the importance of self development and self-healing.  They would know they are worthy of love and devotion and will find that love can heal.  Accordingly, they will find themselves desiring empowering relationships with others rather than continuing on with patterns of self sabotage. 

§           Addictions to pain and suffering

Perhaps the most difficult to overcome are relationships marked by addictions to pain and suffering.  Those who engage in such relationships, often times find themselves attracted to persons who are exhibit patterns of self-sabotage and who those who exact a false sense of power in relationships.  Persons addicted to pain and suffering will see the hurt and doom of the relationship as signs of intense love.  If  those who are addicted to pain and suffering practice self love and get a taste of what real love is, they would discover the elixir of life which will put them on the path of recovery.  This recover will be a recovery and rediscovery of their true and authentic self.

§           False sense of power

Trying to develop relationships under a false sense of power can be dominant and abusive.  Those who exact a false sense of power in their relationships feel the need to dominate the people in their lives and dictate the lives of others.  They rule the people in their lives with tyranny often using guilt as a form of punishment.  They seek people with poor self concepts and hold back affection to get what they want.  For those who exact a false sense of power, learning self-empowerment as a way to validate their true power will help them reach and understand that love is kind and healing and empowering when it is real and authentic. 

As we dig deeper into the meaning of love and devotion, we find that the illusions we call love are not real, they do not empower, and they do not promote the knowledge and wisdom of the true and authentic self.  Self-love is pertinent to our recovery and rediscovery of who we really are.  With self-love, we find that we are able to attract love in its truest sense in our lives.  The authenticity by which we live our lives and love ourselves will display itself in the relationships we develop and the people we attract in our lives. 

Yes, self-love is real love.  It is through the love of our true and authentic self—the love of our very own soul—which attracts by way of the Law of Attraction, pure, real, empowering, and loving relationships.  No one can love you in a way that you don’t already love yourself.  No one can give you the kind of love and sense of self you deserve if you don’t first give it to yourself. 

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