Have Gratitude in the Face of Traumatic Change and Life Transitions

 At some point in our lives, we all face trauma and tragic life situations which require that we have to transition from one way of living to another.  It takes courage to make life transitions and to face traumatic change with your whole self intact.  However, an attitude of gratitude will get you there.  Gratitude is an attitude which welcomes the beauty and luminosity of life in spite of traumatic change and life transitions. 

Just last year, a friend of mine in told me about a moment she witnessed first hand which change which she often thinks about when she feels down or hurt, or even agry…

(Based on True Events)

A 57 year old woman had been through some terrible life tragedies and situations which left her distraught and angry.  She didn’t want to grow old and bitter so she decided to join a therapy group which helped with life transitions and how to deal with traumatic change in your life. 

At her first group therapy, she saw women of all ages sitting with frowns on their faces.  Some squirmed in their chairs looking uncomfortable, in fact, to the woman, some of them seemed ashamed for being there.  The woman thought to herself, “These ungrateful women, if they had been through what I’ve been through, then they would really have something to feel uncomfortable about.”

The meeting began and each woman spoke about her traumatic experiences and what life transitions they needed help adjusting to. Some of the stories the woman heard were “mild” in her opinion.  Some of the women were overlooked for promotions, had just had babies and felt unattractive, some had gained weight, and some said their sex lives were on the rocks in their marriages. 

When it was her turn to tell about the traumatic change in her life, the woman knew the other women would be shocked and more grateful for their situations. She took a deep breath almost feeling proud, “My husband left me for a younger woman, he hired the best attorneys money could buy and kicked me out of my home, and is now living in the home I had with him for 25 years with a new wife and a new baby.  I have not heard from my son in over a year and my daughter has moved far away and I rarely hear from her.  Two months after my divorce was final, I lost my job with a company I had been with for almost 20 years.  My severance package was a total of $3,200, most of my retirement money was lost after the Enron fiasco, and now at 57 years old, I have to go back out into the job market.   The one home I did get in the divorce settlement, I will have to sell it, downsize significantly and hope that very soon I can find a new job.” 

She exhaled and took another deep breath; the women around her looked shocked.  “Now,” she thought, “that’s trauma.”  Soon the therapist asked a young lady sitting in the corner quietly if she wanted to speak today and tell the group about your life transition or the tragedy she wanted to overcome. 

The woman looked at her and thought, “What could be her problem? She’s only about 20 at the most.”  She stared at the girl who seemed to be smiling and tilting her head bashfully. 

The girl stood up. “I am 19 years.  Two years ago I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  The cancer was treated and I received a clean bill of health.  However, two months ago, I was told the cancer has returned in other areas of my body and that it is spreading rapidly.  I was given 6 months to live.  I am not here to transition to death, but I am here because I want to transition to life. I want to continue to be glad for each day.  And really,  I want to live. As a matter of fact, right now, I choose to live,” She sat down.

The 57-year old woman looked over at the girl.  The girl was younger than her son.  And in that moment, the woman felt a sense of gratitude, then shame, and then gratitude again.  She thought about all the life she had lived since she was 19 and all the life this girl may never experience such as having children, getting married, lighting a candle at her daughter’s wedding, or getting her college degree. 

The woman thought about how easy her own situation was to transform.  She could call her son everyday until he picked up the phone.  She could visit her daughter and grandchildren.  She could find another job eventually.  She could find a small condo in the city.  She could forgive her ex-husband and find love again with someone who would appreciate her.

Her problems had not been diagnosed terminal and she had gone days and days not wanting to live.  Yet, here was a young vibrant beautiful girl who had been diagnosed terminal and she wanted to live. 

In that moment, the woman realized she wanted to live.  She had grandchildren to spoil and places she wanted to see.  She looked around the room and realized that the young girl had spoken everything that each woman had truly wanted in their heart of hearts.  They all wanted to live. 

She understood there wasn’t much life in bitterness.  And what is wonder of living if it is without gratitude for each given moment in spite of traumatic experiences, life transitions, hurt, pain…Like her new 19 year old heroine; she too, had to be glad for every moment.  She too, had chosen to live.

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