Love, Pain, Soothers, and Overcoming the Addiction to Drama

Are You Sick of the Drama?

Addictions are so dangerous because often times we give over a lot of our life-force energy to our addictions.  In the systems and programs of the Matrix, there are many addictions available, but the addiction to drama is often the most over looked because sometimes our addiction to drama can look and feel like love. 

So, has love changed in modern times?  The answer is certainly not.  Modern love is the same as all love through out history.  In this day in age, we want the same things from love relationships that we wanted years ago even if it wasn’t articulated. 

In loving relationships we want to be accepted for our true and authentic self, we want someone who understands us, and we want someone we can share our lives with.  This is true about love rather it is friendship love, family love, community love, or romantic love.  However, in this day and age, there is one thing we must get passed and that’s the addiction to drama.

I really hate to use the word drama, because true drama is an art form and artistic expression (Dramatic Arts); but, in this case we use drama to identify the addiction many people have to heightened states of emotional trauma. So please do not confuse “drama” with the Dramatic Arts.

For a long period of time in the field of personal development, many philosophers taught that if we associate enough pain with a habit, practice, or addiction, then eventually we will break the habit or addiction.  Unfortunately, modernism has met with this modality and has created what I call “soothers” to help us get pass the pain, thus staying in the pain much longer.  Moreover, in many cases the soothers themselves can make the pain of the addiction feel good.

Who Will Finally say, "No More Drama?"

Let’s take the subject of drama.  A woman who attended some of my group sessions a while back in New Orleans told me about the relationship she had with her fiancé of five years.  She told me he was emotionally and verbally abusive.  She stayed in the relationship because he was a “good man.”  In her eyes, he helped to pay the bills, he went with her to her doctors appointments, and he helped her with their children from time to time. 

She said he was only verbally abusive when he had a hard day at work or when the finances seemed to be “strained.”  After being engaged for five years, she gained quite a bit of weight and much of the weight came about because she used comfort food, fast food, and junk food as a “soother.”   Within five years she had gain 80 pounds and also had high blood pressure.

His soother, however, was his Xbox, ESPN on a 52 inch television, a six pack of beer a day, and having his friends over every Sunday.  Both of them had the wonderful distraction of jobs they hated which took up a 60-hour week and a bunch of unnecessary bills (the $129 per month 52 inch flat screen was just one of them) they collected which required extra hours of work.

She had been able to prolong the relationships because their soothers kept them distracted and kept them from dealing with each other and  dealing with their problems.  Once she became involved in her own self-worth, spiritual evolution, personal development, and health, she began to eat more raw and living foods.  She practiced yoga.  She spent time in meditation.  She cut back some hours at work and her soothers were gone.  After her soothers were gone, she ended the relationship.

When she ended the relationship, it was the first time she had ever been without a man for more than a few months.  She took two years to commit to herself and her daughters.  After two years of what she called her “sobriety,”  she met a wonderful man about 4 years her senior.  They dated for a year and were married after a six-month engagement.  They are still married now even after they lost their home during Hurricane Katrina.  They have recently bought a new home in Houston, Texas (yes, even in this economy).

Until we get rid of or lessen our dependency on the soothers in our lives, we will continue to play out the dramas of our dysfunctional relationships.  With soothers distracting us from the truth and from the pain, we find ourselves taking much longer to hit rock bottom and sometimes even when we hit rock bottom we have used our soothers to cushion the fall. 

Today, with modern conveniences we have found it difficult to know if we are in love or in drama and dysfunction.  With our soothers distracting us, no, we often don’t know the difference. And if we can not acknowledge the existence of pain and suffering and dysfunction in a situation, it takes much longer to hit rock bottom.  And the longer it takes to hit rock bottom, the longer it takes to heal.

To this end, it is apparent that either we lessen or get rid of our soothers in order to face what we have attracted in our lives, or we not only do we prolong suffering but we become addicted to the drama we have manifested in our lives.  And this addiction will always hinder our spiritual and personal growth on the path of enlightenment.  It hinders our growth because it robs us of the life-force energy and mind power required to co-create our lives as we truly desire our life to be.

In fact, the addiction to drama can be downright deceptive we don’t get rid of or release our dependency on the soothers in our lives.  For example, sometimes we find that what we are think we are addicted to (toxic food, drugs, alcohol, sex) isn’t really the addiction.  Once we probe our lives and get rid of the soothers (toxic food, drugs, alcohol, sex), then we realize that it is the drama behind the addiction we are really addicted to.

A friend of mine told me about a cousin of his who was a prominent business man in New Orleans.  This prominent business man was what we call a womanizer.  He told many of his friends that he was addicted to good scotch, women, and sex.  Well, eventually these women ran interference in his life and he ended up in a big sex scandal surrounding the Canal Street Brothel in New Orleans.  It was in all the papers and many national news channels.  There was his name and his face and his business attached to the biggest sex scandal New Orleans had seen in while (and for New Orleans, that’s saying a lot!).  The man was devastated and so was his business. 

After a few years of lying low, he left the line of business he was once in because he had lost the trust of his clientele.  In 2007, he started a new company doing what he loved and now he’s a suburban dad coaching his son’s little league baseball team.

My friend said his cousin seemed so content now.  He said his cousin told him, he had to “hit rock bottom” before he realized what the real problem was.  The real problem was that he was unhappy.  He was in that particular line of business because he made a lot of money, but it didn’t leave him much time for anything else.  So, instead of the wife and family he really wanted, he convinced himself he wanted the women, fast cars, sex, and alcohol. 

It took a scandal to destroy his business before he overcame his addiction to drama.  My friend said his cousin hit rock bottom when all of the women who were once beating his door down stopped calling and wouldn’t even acknowledge him in public.  He really discovered who cared about him and who his real friends were.

Why put ourselves through the trauma of drama over and over again when all we are doing is destroying our hope, faith, and confidence in our true and authentic self.  Not only that, but we are also destroying our perception of our true self worth. 

 And just how do we overcome he addiction to drama?

(1)    We have to acknowledge the dysfunction in our lives and not treat it as if it is “normal” or okay. 

(2)    Get rid of our soothers through detoxification and treatment if necessary.

(3)    Get in some “self” time through meditation and prayer.

(4)    Face the pain of the situation we have attracted in our lives and build our spiritual strength through self-empowerment.

(5)    Practice present moment awareness and proclaim what you really want in your life.

(6)    Stop settling for an artificial version of your true desires. Acknowledge how you want to live your life and do not settle for a fake version of it.  The fake version is only an illusion of the ego. 

(7)    Use your “creativity” for something other than creating avenues of pain and suffering.

Despite what we have been told, we can overcome drama.  We don’t have to live our lives in a tornado of drama, trauma, and dysfunction.  If we want to live in abundance and increase our self worth, we have to pledge…NO MORE DRAMA.

Until next time, remember to give up the drama, live well, live wise, live wealthy, and let the Creative Spirit move you.

How to Get Out of a Non-productive Environment With the Law of Attraction and Vibration

Your environment is important.  Some environments are non-productive for you and some environments are productive for you.  It all depends on your purpose and intentions at a specific stage in life or most importantly, it depends on your vision of purpose in life. 

 And your environment is subjective in more ways than one.  It is the subjective realm that determines your environment and it is subjective as to what environment is right for you.  In other words, what might be a great environment for one person could be a terrible environment for someone else.

 Your environment affects your vibration and your vibration determines the environment to which you are drawn to or the environment in which you remain.  Some would call this Law of Attraction 101. While this is most definitely true, your environment is not only a representative of the Law of Attraction, it is representative of the Law of Vibration as well. 

 The Law of Attraction works with the Law of Vibration in creating various synchronicities (the order of the cosmos working in our time-space reality) that play out according to your vibration.  For example, I had a friend from college who I saw a number of years back, she was a well-known party girl in our circle in college. 

 Since college, nothing had pretty much changed for her.  She worked at a bank as a Head Teller and she “lived for her weekends.”  She worked for a small bank in which she had the weekends off and on Thursday after 5:00 pm. She went home and planned which clubs she would hit Thursday, Friday, and Saturday Night. 

 “Yeah, she told me, I have to go out Thursdays because most Thursdays are ladies night.  Everyone will be expecting me.  You know the party doesn’t start until I get there. So Friday, I have nothing to give at work.”  Then she told me she had been working at the same small bank for 4 years. She said it took her 3 years to get to the head teller position. 

 Moreover, she told me how she really wanted to go back to school and get her masters and get a position in the marketing department of a larger bank.  She went on to tell me how she still lived in the same apartment she rented after college and how she still throws her Block parties for Halloween, her birthday, and New Years Eve.  “Everybody where I live looks forward to my Block parties,” she told me. 

I simply listened and smiled.  For nearly a half-hour she went on and on about how everyone in her neighborhood and the tellers she work with all want to see pictures she took at the “exclusive” clubs she gets into and pictures of what she wore each night.  She went on about how her credit cards were maxed to the limit because she wouldn’t be caught dead in the same thing twice.

Then after a half-hour rant on her party life, she begin talking about how hard it was to find a good single straight guy (her words, not mine I happen to know there are some great men out there if you’re available). She bounced the conversation between her work woes and her relationship woes for about another hour. 

Finally I asked, “If you found a good straight single guy, are you still planning on doing your thing at the clubs?”  I asked.

“Hell yeah.”  She responded.  “No man is going to tell me where I can and cannot go.  He better try to keep up with me.”

Then I asked, “If you go back to school, how are you going to manage to still do the club thing?”  I asked.

“Well, I mean, I can schedule my classes, like I did in college.  Remember?”  She asked.

“And work?”  I asked. 

“Yeah,” she said quite confidently. “I just can’t push my friends out of my life.  A lot of my friends expect me to be there or like they say, ‘it’s not the same without me.’  There are several people I work with that wouldn’t be able to get in some of these places without me and people where I live treat me like a celebrity.  I can’t disappoint my fans.”  She said laughing.

After I talked to her a little longer, I got it.  Subconsciously, she knew that her environment prevented her from attaining many of the desires and goals she had in life.  She was stuck and although she truly desired more, she tied her whole self into this “party girl” identity perpetuated by the ego.  She was still stuck in the vibrational frequency of the egotistical identity she created in college.  Her environment and lifestyle was only a reflection of it. 

That was nearly 5 years ago when I last heard from her.  A mutual friend told me a few days ago that the bank she used to work for closed down and now she is working for a retail clothing store as an assistant manager.  According to the mutual friend, she moved out of the apartment where she used to live and now she’s trying to get back in school, but financially it has been difficult for her. 

I didn’t judge her for what she chose to do with her life at the time because we have all been there.  We have allowed the ego to run rampant in our lives as we buy into the illusion of  the ego by not taking the time to get to know who we really are. 

As a result of this resistance to self-knowledge and self-realization, we get stuck in a vibrational frequency which causes us to attract people, places, and things that continue to perpetuate the illusions of the ego.  The voice of our soul may be speaking to us, but we are not listening.    

So how do we get out of a non-productive environment with the Law of Attraction and the Law of Vibration?  Well let’s be honest here.  Either you are using the Law of Attraction and the Law of Vibration to co-create the reality you truly desire, or you are using the Law of Attraction and the Law of Vibration to continue to perpetuate the illusion. 

However, if you truly want to change your environment from a non-productive environment to a productive environment, you have to do some things that Roslyn and I often say “makes the ego uncomfortable.”  Here are some steps to get you on point:

(1)    Meditate on the beauty and greatness of your being (your true and authentic self) through silence and present moment awareness.  Begin meditating for 15 minutes before you start your day and then build on it.  Meditating each morning will center you in who you really are and set the pace for the voice of your Soul to speak to you.  In this state, you are making yourself available to your highest good.  Being available to your highest good will transform your vibration to a higher frequency and get you out of a frequency that is non-productive to your purpose, intent, and true desires.

(2)    Journal about your activities for about a two week period.  Then note some conscious changes you can make that would be more conducive for the type of environment you want to live in and the lifestyle you want to lead.  For example, my old college friend could have given up her party lifestyle on Thursdays and perhaps Fridays and opted to take one class towards her masters.  This change would have transformed her vibration and she would have been available to more good.

(3)    Make the time to visualize what you really want in your life daily.  Visualization and imagination are wonderful spiritual tools and technologies for seeing more and recognizing that infinite possibilities are available to us.  When we visualize how we want to live our lives, our environment changes through the orchestration of the Universe, yes, our environment changes cosmically through divine order. If we never visualize what we truly desire, then we are not opening our mental faculties to the infinite possibilities of manifestation.  Therefore, our time-space reality never transforms it just continues to follow patterns of the same vibrational frequency. 

(4)    Make a conscious effort to find people with which you can network and build friendships.  Socialize with people who are in the environment you want to be in.  My grandmother and mother always told me to “watch the company you keep.”  They meant watch the people you hang around and if they are not living the way you want to live then you don’t need them in your life—that’s just good old fashion wisdom.

(5)    Write down a vision for your life.  Read it daily.  Remind (yes re-mind) yourself of your true desires.  In the day to day grind, if we don’t remind ourselves of our true desires and our vision for life, then we won’t recognize (re-cognize) our opportunities even when they are staring us in the face.   

(6)    Always affirm who you really are.  Now I am saying this wholeheartedly.  I love to party just as much as my friend.  That’s right I still party.  I am spiritual and dedicated to evolving on the path of enlightenment, but I like to party.  However, I do not make it a part of my identity.  When I choose to party, I party with people who are like-minded.  We dance.  We talk.  We drink fresh juice, herbal tea, and Kombuchas.  We have a great time, but it still affirms who I really am.  The only identity I hold to is that “I am a Living Soul with a Living Mind and a Spirit at One with Source Energy—God, The ALL.”  That’s affirming who I really am. 

Yes, it takes a conscious effort or should I say a higher conscious effort to transform your vibration.  You most certainly can work with the Law of Attraction and the Law of Vibration to get out of a non-productive environment into a productive environment, but it requires that you change your vibrational frequency.  Don’t allow the ego to trap you in a vibrational frequency that doesn’t align with your true and authentic self.  The voice of your Soul is calling out to you beseeching that your reality matches that of your Soul’s purpose.  You can get their by changing your environment to an environment productive for your spiritual growth and personal development.

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Carmellita M. Brown, the Creative Director and Co-founder of Blue Lotus Living, LLC would like to invite you to discuss this teaching and others at the Blue Lotus Living Forum.  Discuss this Personal Development and Spiritual Development topic entitled “How to Get Out of a Non-productive Environment With the Law of Attraction and Vibration” today.

Be Extraordinary and Express the God in You

As children, unfortunately, we are taught to be like everyone else.  Walk in line, wear uniforms to school, sit in a single file row of desk at school, and follow the routine exactly.  Often times, it seems we were trained to be ordinary.  But as always, are we suppose to be ordinary?  Are we suppose to just spit out what is put in us in the same manner in which it was consumed?

I tell you friends of Blue Lotus Living, sometimes, ordinary just will not cut it.  There is a desire in all of us to be momentous, great, an inspiration to others.  The very idea of being something more than just your job title, your role as a parent, husband, wife, or friend is a desire that grows in us all as we mature and develop on the path of enlightenment.  This desire grows and yearns and we cannot deny it.  The more and more we deny it, the more we feel a disconnect with our true and authentic self.

We desire to be something more than ordinary and in fact some say it is our desire to be extraordinary—an accomplished person who knows how to manifest his or her dreams.  Such an extraordinary person that he or she thinks so far outside of the box, he or she cannot be contained. 

And as we study self-improvement, personal development, or even self-help, are we developing our extraordinary nature or are we doing the same thing we were taught in school—maintaining the status quo?  To make it quite simple, are we developing our unique expression of creativity as it flows through us?

So when we say self-help or self-improvement or personal development, we truly don’t give justice to what it is we are trying to accomplish when we study this field.  We are not just trying to help ourselves, we are not just trying to get money, and we are not just trying to find our soul mate.  We are not just trying to improve ourselves.  What we are attempting each time we try a self-improvement program or philosophy is to become extraordinary. 

Now those among us who are modest in personality will probably swear this isn’t true.  Then let me ask you a question:  Are you truly satisfied with the status quo?  Do you want to keep manifesting what you are manifesting now? 

So, when you say you want the ordinary and you want to be ordinary, you have just taking residence and citizenship in the state of denial.  First and foremost, as spiritual beings, we are divine and creative.  Each of us is a unique expression and manifestation of the Most High Creator—the All in All.  And because we are this expression, it is natural for us to want to express this uniqueness through ourselves. 

When we open ourselves to this uniqueness, we plug back into life, not the mundane and surely not the monotonous routine which is no life at all.  Our unique expression of creativity restores the wonder and adventure back to life because it is the soul being expressed as it reveals itself to the world.  And when your soul is being expressed to the world, the God in you is being expressed.

With this in mind, celebrate your uniqueness and reach for the extraordinary in you and express your soul to the world.  Because when you show and express your extraordinariness, you are letting others see, feel, realize, and be inspired by the God in you.

Your True and Authentic Self Wants to Shine

“I want to make something of myself.”  I remember these words which came from a young lady in my teen pregnancy prevention program some years back.  She said the words so sincerely and wholeheartedly although she had a confused look on her face.  She couldn’t tell us what her exact career plans were, but that much she knew—she knew she wanted to make something of herself, but the look on her face told me that she didn’t know how. 

And even beyond our teen years, we often feel the same way.  We know we wan to do something productive with our lives, but sometimes we don’t know what to do or how to do it. 

 Since my journey in spiritual evolution, I have discovered that it can all be so simple.  There is a simple path to “making something of ourselves.”  This simple path is the path of enlightenment.

 The path of enlightenment makes it simple to “make something of your self.”  When we choose and commit to the path of enlightenment, we don’t have to struggle to be or do anything, we jus have to be available to the flow of ever-increasing good in our lives.  We don’t have to have all the answers.  We don’t have to know how to do every little thing. It is as simple as being available for good to flow in our lives.

This literally un-complicates a lot of things in our lives.  So many of us are chasing status and beating ourselves up for where we “should be by now.”  We have these unrealistic timelines and we beat ourselves up because we haven’t achieved what the “world” tells us we should have achieved by now. 

 When we take a closer look at it with our hearts, we discover that many of the things the “world” is pressuring us to do, be, become, and have—we don’t even want.  Some among us were pressured in careers we don’t want, jobs we don’t want, friendships we don’t want, and even relationships we don’t want. 

Some among us right now are struggling to keep the very things we don’t want.  The path of enlightenment helps us recover the strength to “Let go and Let God.” 

 We all say we want to make something of ourselves, but what are we really saying?  We are truly saying that we want the freedom to become more of who we really are.  We are really saying that we want to get to know our true and authentic self and live life according to this authenticity. 

Many of us are tired of the facades and trying to please everyone in our lives but our true and authentic self.  The stagnation we may feel, the frustration we may feel is not necessarily because we haven’t achieved a certain thing.  The true source of our frustration is that we have not reached true self-realization.  The frustration is our true and authentic self desiring to come forth and let our light shine. 

So friends and members of the Blue Lotus Living Community don’t hold the light of your soul under a lampshade of someone else’s plans for your life.  Let the light of your soul shine and live as your true and authentic self.

Happiness and Real Self Esteem is a Daily Celebration of Your Joyous and Powerful Nature

Did you get up this morning with a true passion and love for the life you are living?  Did you get up this morning with little butterflies in your stomach as you recognized this is the greatest day of your life?  I hope you are answering yes to all the above questions.  If not, I hope I could change your mind and perhaps remind you exactly why you should “be happiness” today. 

Today, I cannot call this an entry or an article for the Blue Lotus Living Community.  In fact, I would think it was something quite different.  Today, I will call this post a love letter for the Blue Lotus Living Community. 

Your joyful journey on the path of enlightenment begins with how you feel about who you really are.  We can talk about personal development, self-improvement or self-help all day long, but true personal development, authentic self-improvement, and real self-help begins with self-love.  Self-love will empower you as a divine being.  Love is the fuel and energy within and about all things in our universe.  Why?  Because it is only through love that we can experience oneness, harmony, peace, well-being…and yes happiness. 

Self-Esteem has been explained 101 ways to Sunday by many self-help and personal development gurus.  However, real self-esteem is when you feel your own “divine-ness” and when you feel good about this “divine-ness.”

Divine-ness, what do we mean when we say divine-ness?  You as a divine being have this omniscience and omnipotence which is flowing through you by way of the Holy Spirit or Oneness Blessing.  The moment you embraced that light that is within you and decided you will be a willing vessel for good, you open a passage way in your life for the Holy Spirit or Oneness Blessing to flow. 

The flow of the Oneness Bless or Holy Spirit is the Creative Spirit and when it flows it brings with it the happiness, peace, well-being, and harmony of the Universe. When it flows continuously, it is abundance. This abundant flow of harmony and well-being reminds us each day that we can do, have, or be whatever we truly desire—and this is real self-esteem. 

Family, real self-esteem is feeling your real nature which is joyous, powerful, and abundant.  We think self-esteem has to do with whether or not we think we are physically attractive, smart, funny, or gorgeous.  That is only a generic form of self-esteem.  Real self-esteem allows you to feel your powerful nature and know that you are beauty, you are luminous, you are love and you are being loved right now. 

Your journey on this path of Enlightenment can be so joyous, spontaneous, adventurous, and beautiful if you celebrate your true self in such as beauty, joy, and luminosity..  Celebrate your self as if you were the most delightful, beautiful, luminous, attractive, happiest, peaceful, and intelligent person who ever lived.  With that celebration will spring up an unconditional love for self and this love will bring with it real self-esteem. 

We think we can base our real self-esteem on accomplishments or achievements.  These things will bring fleeting moments of joy.  However, if we want to truly experience real self-esteem and discover the joy and wonder of “being happiness”, then we have to celebrate who we really are each day as if we have already made high achievements and great accomplishments in life. 

When you and I make this decision—the decision that we will celebrate who we really are each and everyday as if we have achieved all the success in the world, then we will attract to our reality the happiness, peace, joy, harmony, and prosperity which flows in our loving and abundant universe. 

This is your journey.  This is your life.  You can make it a celebration or a B-rated 1970’s horror flick.  Let go the trauma which is perpetuated by the ego and allow well-being to flow in your life.  Celebrate the real you and you will increase in real self-esteem. 

Have Gratitude in the Face of Traumatic Change and Life Transitions

 At some point in our lives, we all face trauma and tragic life situations which require that we have to transition from one way of living to another.  It takes courage to make life transitions and to face traumatic change with your whole self intact.  However, an attitude of gratitude will get you there.  Gratitude is an attitude which welcomes the beauty and luminosity of life in spite of traumatic change and life transitions. 

Just last year, a friend of mine in told me about a moment she witnessed first hand which change which she often thinks about when she feels down or hurt, or even agry…

(Based on True Events)

A 57 year old woman had been through some terrible life tragedies and situations which left her distraught and angry.  She didn’t want to grow old and bitter so she decided to join a therapy group which helped with life transitions and how to deal with traumatic change in your life. 

At her first group therapy, she saw women of all ages sitting with frowns on their faces.  Some squirmed in their chairs looking uncomfortable, in fact, to the woman, some of them seemed ashamed for being there.  The woman thought to herself, “These ungrateful women, if they had been through what I’ve been through, then they would really have something to feel uncomfortable about.”

The meeting began and each woman spoke about her traumatic experiences and what life transitions they needed help adjusting to. Some of the stories the woman heard were “mild” in her opinion.  Some of the women were overlooked for promotions, had just had babies and felt unattractive, some had gained weight, and some said their sex lives were on the rocks in their marriages. 

When it was her turn to tell about the traumatic change in her life, the woman knew the other women would be shocked and more grateful for their situations. She took a deep breath almost feeling proud, “My husband left me for a younger woman, he hired the best attorneys money could buy and kicked me out of my home, and is now living in the home I had with him for 25 years with a new wife and a new baby.  I have not heard from my son in over a year and my daughter has moved far away and I rarely hear from her.  Two months after my divorce was final, I lost my job with a company I had been with for almost 20 years.  My severance package was a total of $3,200, most of my retirement money was lost after the Enron fiasco, and now at 57 years old, I have to go back out into the job market.   The one home I did get in the divorce settlement, I will have to sell it, downsize significantly and hope that very soon I can find a new job.” 

She exhaled and took another deep breath; the women around her looked shocked.  “Now,” she thought, “that’s trauma.”  Soon the therapist asked a young lady sitting in the corner quietly if she wanted to speak today and tell the group about your life transition or the tragedy she wanted to overcome. 

The woman looked at her and thought, “What could be her problem? She’s only about 20 at the most.”  She stared at the girl who seemed to be smiling and tilting her head bashfully. 

The girl stood up. “I am 19 years.  Two years ago I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  The cancer was treated and I received a clean bill of health.  However, two months ago, I was told the cancer has returned in other areas of my body and that it is spreading rapidly.  I was given 6 months to live.  I am not here to transition to death, but I am here because I want to transition to life. I want to continue to be glad for each day.  And really,  I want to live. As a matter of fact, right now, I choose to live,” She sat down.

The 57-year old woman looked over at the girl.  The girl was younger than her son.  And in that moment, the woman felt a sense of gratitude, then shame, and then gratitude again.  She thought about all the life she had lived since she was 19 and all the life this girl may never experience such as having children, getting married, lighting a candle at her daughter’s wedding, or getting her college degree. 

The woman thought about how easy her own situation was to transform.  She could call her son everyday until he picked up the phone.  She could visit her daughter and grandchildren.  She could find another job eventually.  She could find a small condo in the city.  She could forgive her ex-husband and find love again with someone who would appreciate her.

Her problems had not been diagnosed terminal and she had gone days and days not wanting to live.  Yet, here was a young vibrant beautiful girl who had been diagnosed terminal and she wanted to live. 

In that moment, the woman realized she wanted to live.  She had grandchildren to spoil and places she wanted to see.  She looked around the room and realized that the young girl had spoken everything that each woman had truly wanted in their heart of hearts.  They all wanted to live. 

She understood there wasn’t much life in bitterness.  And what is wonder of living if it is without gratitude for each given moment in spite of traumatic experiences, life transitions, hurt, pain…Like her new 19 year old heroine; she too, had to be glad for every moment.  She too, had chosen to live.

With the Law of Attraction We Can Manifest, Think, and Actualize the Beautiful Picture of Happiness and Prosperity

Attraction is a powerful gift and just as all Universal laws, the Law of Attraction bestows various rights and power with it.  Specifically, we can manifest what we truly desire in our life because we hold the divine right to think whatsoever we want to think.  No one and nothing can stop you from thinking what you choose to think, but you. 

This whole Universe is made up of the thinking stuff.  The Kybalion states quite clearly…

“All is Mind. The Universe is Mental.” 

We must hold fast to the truth that we have the right and power to think what we want to think.  We can control the good we attract into our lives and our reality.  The Universal Law of Attraction, The Universal Law of Vibration, and the Universal Law of Mentalism with all its principles work together so that we may be able to transform our state and create the conditions we truly desire in our lives and our reality.

If we want to experience happiness, health, and prosperity, then we must be happiness, health, and prosperity and we will draw happiness thoughts, healthy thought forms, and prosperity thinking.  The thoughts we think become things in our life.  These thoughts become what happiness is, what prosperity is, what health is. 

Therefore, it is very important that you have a picture in our minds what happiness, health, and prosperity looks like and represents to you so that you may channel these thoughts through you and these thoughts will manifest according to what you believe happiness is.  . 

This is why some people have trouble actualizing their dreams, visions, and true desires.  They have trouble because they are not picturing happiness or prosperity.  There is contradiction in the thoughts they draw from the mental plan and their heart’s desire because the pictures that flash before the mind are not pictures of happiness and prosperity. 

Accordingly, the thought forms they are drawing from the mental plane do not match (in vibration and likeness) to that which they truly desire.  Simply put, their beliefs (system of thoughts and collection of thought forms) do not align with what they truly want and what they are picturing in their mind’s eye is evidence of the contradictions. 

For example, if you truly desire to have a prosperous business, but you are picturing how difficult it is going to be to draw customers and clients to your business, then your picture does not align with your desire, nor does it align with happiness and prosperity. Does not having a low customer-base bring you happiness or feel prosperous?   If this is your picture, then your picture does not align with a true desire of a prosperous business.

So what do you do?  How do you change the pictures that have turned into a horror film playing in your mind?  You change them by consciously changing your state.  You become conscious about what you read, the images you see, what you listen to, even what you eat, in order to change those pictures you are conjuring and imagining.  Take care to consciously and purposely read, look at images, listen to, and eat that which is of a higher vibration with deliberate intent.  If you truly desire to be happiness (yes be happiness) and live in prosperity, then read happiness, look at images of happiness and prosperity, listen to happiness and prosperity and you will manifest the beautiful picture of happiness and prosperity in your life.

Ultimately, as you do these things with deliberate intent, you become more conscious about your own consciousness, then you will transform your state which will vibrationally match with your true desires.  This vibratory match will cause the energy of the things you desire to flow in your time-space reality and manifest in your life. 

Become like a sculptor, picture the beauty you want to manifest and mold into your reality.  Become like a painter, picture the beauty and luminosity you want to actualize in your life, and manifest it with each beautiful hue and stroke of your brush.

You have the power.  You can create it.  Until next time, manifest beauty in your life and remember to live well, live wise, live wealthy and let the Creative Spirit move you.

Spiritual Growth and Evolution Helps us Practice Self-Control Instead of Trying to Control Others

Our spiritual growth and evolution gives us so many gifts in life. And as we grow on the path of enlightenment, discover that we cannot co-create in anyone else’s reality but our own whether it is for “their own good” or not.

As co-creators we have to attend to our own spiritual growth and evolution which helps us practice self-control instead of trying to control others. The main reason why some people try to control others has to do with them feeling out of control themselves.

When I was practicing as a Holistic Life Coach and Success Coach years ago, I had a client name Lolitha Miller. Mrs. Miller spent much of her time go on and on about what her children weren’t doing and how she just wished they would get their lives together. She talked about all the things she would be able to do if her “grown” children would just start living their lives the way they were “raised and reared” to behave.

She had one son who changed jobs like he changed his clothes. She had a daughter who was in and out of college and bad relationships. Then, she had another son who was married to a young woman she just couldn’t stand! I remember her asking: “How do my children expect me to have a life if I have to spend day in and day out helping them fix theirs?”

She told me how she wanted to go back to school and get her masters in Elementary education, but she just didn’t have the time because of her “irresponsible grown” children. She emphasized “grown” not me. So I finally asked, what if your eldest son never finds a job he likes, your youngest son stays married to his cheating high-maintenance wife forever, and your daughter marries the devil and never finishes college, will you then get your Masters degree or will you just give up?”

She responded, “If I can help them get their lives together now, then I can get my masters.”

I asked, “but what if they never get their lives together to your standards? What will you do then?”

“Well,” she huffed. “Then, I’ll just have to go ahead with my life and do what I have to do for me. I can’t live for them.”

I responded, “then go ahead now, because the only person that will do things your way is you. When you begin to experience the fulfillment of creating your own life, then you won’t have the urge to try and fix someone else’s life.”

Friends, it is all about self-control. When I say self control I mean several things:

1. Practicing restraint and not so easily giving in to negative thoughts and negative emotions.
2. Doing what we say we are going to do We cannot just say that we are not going to do something and then expect it to fall apart.
3. We cannot expect someone else to fix our problems.
4. Know that we do the power to change our thoughts, our choices, and change our lives.
5. Give up the addiction to martyrdom. Obedience to who we really are, our true desires, and our God-Self is better than sacrifice.
6. Know it doesn’t matter how perfectly you fix “someone else’s life”, it will not fixt your own. You cannot manifest your dreams, actualize your vision of purpose in life, or create the live you want to live be fixing someone else’s life, that’s not the deal we made on the plane, sorry.
7. Change your thoughts about what you can do and what you can be by accepting the truth that you can be, do, and have whatever you desire. You have the divine right to live in abundance.

By knowing, accepting, and practicing your power as a co-creator, you will find just how unnecessary it is to your life and your reality to try and control others.

Until next time remember to…Live Well. Live Wise. Live Wealthy…and let the Creative Spirit move you.

How to Stop Complaining and Enjoy Life as You Co-create Your Reality

I wanted to shout “stop complaining,” but I held my composure. Standing in line at the market, I heard two women complaining about the cost of food. They went on and on about how much they spend out on groceries each week and how little food use to cost in the past. They talked about how they couldn’t afford the organic foods and went on and on about how organic food may not be better than any other food. I could have screamed, but I decided not to participate in the madness. I realized in that moment just how much we blow things out of proportion to the point of being just a lie when we engage in complaining. And what happens? Before we know it our complaints become the truth of our reality.

So, today in order to be productive and progressive and not let the goings on of the market experience draw negativity and non-productivity into my reality, I decided to share today a few tips on how to STOP complaining and enjoy life as you co-create your reality. I believe these tips will help us all remain in a state of happiness and live the inspirational lives we truly desire to live.

First, we have to decide to be grateful. An inspirational life is filled with gratitude. Again, we have to decide to be grateful. Huh? Yes, gratitude is a decision, an emotion, and a state of being. Gratitude is synonymous with appreciation. When we are grateful, we increase. We increase the quality of our lives as well as our own vibration. By way of the law of attraction we draw more things to appreciate in our reality. As co-creators, even if we are “bothered by a situation,” we can always choose to create something different in our reality through our language. If we repeat the language enough times, our subconscious mind accepts it as our reality. For example, instead of complaining about bills and food prices, say to yourself or aloud, “I am so grateful that my income is increasing and I am able to buy good nutritional food for my family and me.”

Now, some among us may say, “but my income may not be increasing.” My answer to that is how do you really know that? Because when you choose to co-create a different reality with the Universe, you are “calling and drawing your true desire in existence” instead perpetuating the reality you have created thus far with your complaining. Just by changing your language, your subconscious mind becomes more open to a different reality. Eventually, each time as you go to the market, your subconscious mind will become more and more accepting to this reality. Then, it becomes your truth. Once it becomes your truth, the Law of Synchronicity works with the Law of Attraction to set in motion a reality where your income is increasing and you are able to buy good nutritional food for you and your family.

What has happened? You are no longer concentrating on lack, instead you are acknowledging that more income exists for you as well as the ability to buy nutritional food. It’s not a one day type mentality which is the same as concentrating on the lack of a thing and it’s not a wish upon a star mentality either, it is acknowledging that this reality really does exist for you.

Second, if you find yourself in the company of complainers all too often, it is time to find some new people to hang-out with. Your subconscious mind is listening to this crap and if you hear enough of it, you will find yourself complaining too. There is a universal law called the Universal law of Group Effort and Group Life. This law contends that when two or three come together agreeing upon the same thing, then they give “life” to that which they agree upon. This applies to negative agreements as well as positive agreements. So, decide now, today how you want to live your life. If you want to enjoy life as you co-create your reality, then you can’t hang out with people who won’t stop complaining.

Third, accentuate the positive. Now this may sound like a rap song by Lil’ Wayne or JayZ, but I am totally and completely serious here. Discover ways to accentuate the positive. When I say accentuate the positive, I mean bring the positive things to your attention while other folks are complaining. For example, if you are listening to someone complain, find something positive to say or think. I didn’t know the ladies in the market so I didn’t intrude, but I decided in the moment that I would go to my hotel and blog about “how to stop complaining and enjoy life.” So…this is exactly what I am doing. I found a way to accentuate the positive. But there are other ways if you are not a blogger or writer. In that moment, someone else could have thought: “Yeah, but the great thing about this market is the variety of fresh fruits and vegetables you can find in season.” It is always a silver lining. It is always something positive or productive you can take from any situation if you choose to focus on the positive.

Really friends, in every moment we have an opportunity to co-create our reality in way which would bring enjoyment, peace, and love into our reality. Complaining is not the way to accomplish a life a joy, peace, and happiness. If we want joy, peace, and happiness, we’ve got to stop complaining. Remember to be grateful, co-create the reality you want, appreciate life, and accentuate the positive. Be the lighthouse. Be the voice of hope.

Until next, remember to…Live well. Live Wise. Live wealthy…and let the Creative Spirit move you.

Interpersonal Communication Tip – Self-Expression, Self-Disclosure and the Law of Attraction

My Mom has said, many times when she has walked in on a conversation between Roslyn and I, “If a person was just a fly on a wall for some of you guys conversations…”  She explained to us how we can go into deep and colorful detail about life and living like “nobody’s business.”  Funny thing is, over recent years, those colorful and deep details about life and living have become our “business.”  And what’s more ironic is people do get the opportunity to “listen in” through our writings, workshops, and teachings. 

How did we get so expressive?  We’ve gotten this expressive because of this wonderful friendship we’ve had over the years. A friendship we attracted into our reality proving again, that the law of attraction really works. 

You see, when I enrolled in college, I wanted a friend and roommate to whom I could relate.  I had been searching for a like-minded friend and so had Roslyn.  We met in college, became roommates and guess what?  We became just that great friends who could relate to one another.  The key to our success as friends and roommates is we allow each other to be our expressive selves. 

As Speech Communication majors, both Roslyn and I learned early during our college years that self-expression and self disclosure was the key to successful interpersonal communication.  Furthermore, Roslyn and I have talked about how we each want to share our lives with a man who understands and practices “good communication.” And what is any relationship—friendship, parental, or romantic without good interpersonal communication?

As a culture, we talk about “successful communication” in relationships all the time, but really, do we understand it?  In most cases, we don’t.  Good interpersonal communication is allowing the flow of communication through self expression.  And self-expression requires listening, relating, and appreciating—yes, appreciating.

In all relationships, we need to be able to share who we are.  We need to be able to share and express our true and authentic self.  We need to feel accepted for our true and authentic self and feel that the other person appreciates who we are.  Yes, we need to know that the people in our lives are grateful for our presence in their lives.  Now, that may sound narcissistic to some folk, but lets be honest, we all want to be appreciated.

Allowing the other person to express themselves in the relationship strengthens and deepens the relationship.  And just as importantly, we must self-disclose and express who we are.  That timidity we sometimes feel hides our true and authentic self because of a  fear of rejection.  That fear of rejection prohibits us from expressing ourselves in our relationships.  With a fear of rejection, the law of attraction will hold true in this situation as well; for if we fear rejection with such intensity, we are more than likely to attract the essence of this fear.  And in most cases, the essence of the fear of rejection in relating to others causes distance, stress, and strain to the relationship—meaning the relationship gets uncomfortable and frustrating. Ultimately, the participants in the relationship don’t trust one another and begin to look for a way out.

To create a solid foundation for our relationships, we must get past the fear of self-expression and self-disclosure.  Self-expression goes beyond just talking about our likes and dislikes, it gets much deeper and broader than sharing our political views or social views—that’s a start.  However, self-expression gets to the heart of the true and authentic self.  Self-expression is about how you flow in life.  It is an expression of your spirit—your essence.  Self-expression reveals your creativity, your level of consciousness, how you relate to the world around you, how you feel about yourself, and your well-being.  When we express it “outwardly” it becomes the topic of your conversations, how you communicate, how you dress, how you carry yourself, and how you co-create your reality. 

At its most authentic level, self-expression reveals your true and authentic self.  Most importantly, at its most authentic level, self-expression draws people to you who appreciate you as your true and authentic self. 

You see, it is not until we really become our true and authentic self and allow the true essence of our being to radiate and emit into our reality that we will draw to us by way of the law of attraction people who truly appreciate us.  In other words, when you appreciate and express your true and authentic self, you will draw into your life people who appreciate you as well.  As you become grateful and express gratitude for your true and authentic self, you will draw to you others who will express gratitude for your presence in their lives. 

Therefore, remember to express yourself, but here’s a tip, express your true and authentic self and you will draw love and appreciation into your life.  You will begin to build relationships with people who love you for you and as you.

Open Your Heart to Love – All You Need is Love

“All you need is love;” is a well-liked phrase and song made popular by 60s British Band sensation the Beatles.  The title of this song has been used in pop culture for decades.    

I used to believe that phrases, such as “all you need is love,” was in essence, pitiful, sappy, and unrealistic.  I still thought it was the most insincere thing that I have ever heard.  I thought to myself, “I need more than that” and “People will say anything to get what they want.”  

Even as I was introduced to a broader spiritual philosophy, I recognized the immaturity in that thinking, but I still felt as though, “the all you need is love” talk was insincere.   How could people who are proponents of these “love teachings and philosophy” actually mean what they said?  From my point of view at the time, there was too much anger and heartache in the world.  And just as I had “believed” at the time, I would continuously find the hypocrisy in the individuals and become extremely disenchanted.  Now, as I have grown on the path of enlightenment, I understand why I would always see the hypocrisy.  I would always see it because it is law.  By way of the principle expectation and the law of attraction pulled my vibration was not aligning with love but with finding the hypocrisy in those who say, “all you need is love.”  I would find hypocrisy, because I was looking for it. 

After more growth on the path of enlightenment, I soon discovered the true source of my resistance to open my heart and life to love.  My problem was that I was too busy looking at other people.  I expected people to live and proclaim within their own lives what they said and when I found any inconsistencies ( I found inconsistencies because I was looking for them) then I latched on to these inconsistency as a “reason” for me to close my heart to love and devotion.  But as now know, what some else does or does not do, has nothing to do with me.

Now, I have learned to love.  The message of love is one of universal order and Divine flow.  It brings about the harmony, peace, justice, and order which the Ancient Egyptians called MA’AT.  The Ancient Egyptians believed that MA’AT balanced the scales of life and with this balance; mankind and womankind could overcome the fetters of the ego and become “lighter.”

Love, peace, harmony, justice, order…these are the things I wanted to experience in life.  In the past, I didn’t understand the source of my resistance because I didn’t know that on this earth plane, we have an ego that must be overcome.  No one is perfect 100% of the time and unfortunately some allow themselves to be absorbed in negativity and non-productivity.  And this is where the ego will take you.  The ego will take you in the direction of negativity and productivity because the ego operates in fear and complacency.

Hence, even if we are not perfect 100% of the time, it still, in essence has nothing to do with how we should treat one another.   Each of us has a mandate on this earth to give and send, with all the passion of our being, love.  God, the Source of all Creation, has pure love for all creation.  We were created from the vibration of love and it is the energy of this unconditional love which holds this universe together.

In my spiritual growth and personal development, I began to explore my discomfort with the terms, “all you need is love” or any philosophy that always talked about love.  As I probed deeply, I uncovered something extremely vital and life changing about my personality.  I uncovered a behavior that I was unaware of.  It was a behavior in which I practiced for years.

You see, years ago I was not the most emotionally expressive person.  The most emotion that I had ever shown, outside of anger, was when my father passed in 1995.  That was the most devastating time in my life.  (Surviving Katrina was the next, but the grief and hurt I felt for the situation outweighed most of the anger that arose later on.)  Before my father died, I could count the number of times I cried or displayed any type of emotion in terms of compassion.  I felt very deeply for people, cared for people, and even at the tender age of 14 began to ponder the meaning of life and existence, but I was too “hard” to show it.  My heart was nearly hardened with the thought of displaying any type of compassion.  For me, saying that you loved someone was a sign of weakness.  I could literally never make myself say it.  And there were so many times that the urge to say the words would come upon me, the urge to show it would come upon me and I would resist it each time.  I didn’t want to be weak.

But as time went on, I discovered that I did become weak.  This resistance had spiritual and physical consequences.  Of course, when you’re 10, 19, 24, years old you don’t begin to understand the spiritual consequences and detrimental physical manifestations that result from resisting love and devotion.  The spiritual consequences manifested as surface relationships that had little depth. The physical consequences manifested as reoccurring digestive disorders.

During those years I grew to understand that the universe orchestrates situations that will give you opportunity after opportunity to give and receive love.  And friends I must tell you that there are boundless set of opportunities presented.  Now, I don’t resist.  I allow love to flow through me unconditionally.  I do not stop the flow of love to me and through me.  Ultimately, I stopped resisting.

Open Your Heart to Compassion and Unconditional Love

Roslyn could not have said it better; there is opportunity after opportunity to express love, specifically unconditional love.  But in order to express love, we must have compassion.  After Hurricane Katrina, I promised myself that I would hold on to compassion.  After the being rescued from the rooftop of our townhouse, both Roslyn and I were taken to the Causeway Camp where rescuers took people who had been “rescued” from rooftops around the city.

At this “camp” we saw very little compassion from the guards around us, the volunteer workers, and many of the people who had been trapped there together.  Everyone was angry, coldhearted, distant, and uncompassionate.  It was during this time that I learned that no matter the situation, if we are to walk in unconditional love, we must have compassion. 

 Compassion reminds us that we are all one.  Compassion helps us to reach higher states of consciousness and to transcend the lower self which can only identify with its own immediate desires. 

Additionally, compassion stirs our passion and brings ecstasy into the creation process.  How does this happen?  This happens because we become available.  Often times in life we see availability and vulnerability as a weakness, however when we are compassionate and walk in unconditional love, it is not a weakness.  It is not a weakness because  our compassion makes us vulnerable to the Creative Spirit.  In this sense of vulnerability, we become available to creative power.

I completely understand how Roslyn was once resistance to affection, love, devotion, and vulnerability.  And thank goodness, she grew beyond this resistance and made her heart available and open to love.  The remarkable things she has been able to do to help others heal their broken hearts would not have happened if she had not open her heart to love.

And let’s be honest, we all battle this resistance from time to time.  I most certainly have.  I battled this resistance because I didn’t want to get hurt.  The ego has a way of convincing us that if we open our hearts to love then someone will hurt us.  And you know what?  That’s possible.  Someone could take advantage of your love and devotion.  I’ve experienced it and we all have experienced it.  Why?  There are people out there who will take advantage of your open heart to love because not everyone is enlightened. 

However, if you choose to walk in unconditional love, have a compassionate heart, and make yourself available to love and devotion, and realize that love is dutiful, then you will begin to attract that same love, devotion, loyalty and compassion to you by the loads. To experience a life of love and compassion is worth the risk. You may have times where you get hurt but you can get hurt just walking out your front door.  Would you rather stay locked in your home forever?  I think not.  And even if you do get hurt,  there will be enough love in your life to heal the pain.

Being available to the power of love, devotion, and duty increases the quality of life and aligns us with purpose.  As we grow on this path of enlightenment, we discover that love will lead us to purpose and love will be the guiding force in all we co-create in our reality.  Love is the fuel of the Creative Spirit and the engine of the creation process. 

If there is anything we must learn for our own personal development and spiritual growth, it is this…Live to love and love to live…